all i wanted was you
by pariswindspeed
Summary: or, in which quinn loses the one thing she's ever really wanted. quinn centric, sam/quinn.


I am honestly grossed out that I'm posting again so shortly after my last. But I just have _so many ideas, _I don't know what else to do.

First try at Sam/Quinn. Well, mostly Quinn. Questionable, but I personally like it.

* * *

><p><strong>all i wanted was you.<strong>

Quinn Fabray's life has always been a little easy. (Eight years old and daddy's wrapped around her finger, blueberry pancakes brought to her in bed every single Saturday, popularity.) She thinks maybe _too_ easy.

So when she finds out she's carrying her boyfriend's best friend's baby she thinks it's all kind of fitting; thinks it's about time her life turns into some crazy freak show she'll probably never really be ready for. But she's also kind of glad it's coming now when she's young and pretty, not later in life when she's really got everything figured out. She's mostly certain she wouldn't be able to handle it then (she's sure she's not ready now, but what can she do? It's happening.)

She lies to Finn, really, just because she can. And that's cold, but in her mind she thinks it's the whole big picture that matters: her, Finn, her baby, and being together. 'Cause she's always wanted Finn and now that she has him, she doesn't want to let him go. Her life's going to start getting a lot more complicated and she just wants one stable thing, one sure thing, that's completely hers and that's Finn Hudson. At a tender age, stuck in her adolescence, she thinks he's all she'll ever want.

But then he finds out _some_how, and she loses him, and she's got a few pretty good ideas how that happened, doesn't really push them though because everything's all messed up now anyway. And when the dust finally settles (it seems like forever) she steps back to see what's come of it all.

Finn's still so mad at her, pretty sure he hates her, Puck's saying he's devoted, wants to help her, but something inside her says that he'll only ever be Lima, and didn't his dad leave _him? _It's a nice gesture though. And she kind of feels bad for him when she says she can handle this pregnancy on her, because she's not really sure she can. (She can't, and she'll need him _one day._) She also notices that a lot of people don't like her anymore, or didn't like her to begin with, but at least she knows how they really feel.

–;

(She remembers when she goes into labor and the small stretch marks on her stomach, Puck's strong hand holding hers. She knew she'd need him one day, but that still really wasn't enough. She remembers giving up Beth because she never really would have been good enough for her anyway.)

–;

Quinn's life goes back to being easier after that. Well easier than losing her boyfriend and giving her baby to Berry's mom.

She's got Puckerman now and even though she's never really wanted him, she's glad she has at least someone. Rachel's got Finn and that's really the end of that because who wants her now? No one. Except Puck, and that's only because he doesn't think anything's better than the mother of his child. (_"I gave her up, Puck! She's not mine anymore. I'm not yours, she's not ours."_) And that was really the end of _that_, because as much as Puck cared, he wasn't cut out for Quinn, and she wasn't cut out for him. She was just trying to help him figure that out before things went on for too long. So she was never really upset when Puck dumped her or when she dumped him – she can't even remember anymore – she was only upset when she realized that, _god, no one wanted her._

(She can only ever remember someone always wanting her. But now, she walks down the halls of McKinley High and no one looks at her, at all.)

–;

She spends the summer after her sophomore year rubbing bio oil on her stomach to rid away the stretch marks, toying with the cross on the chain around her neck, and deleting her Facebook. Because Quinn Fabray has fallen from her pedestal and can't get back to the top of the heap, and she's a little lost because of it.

–;

When she starts junior year in the fall, she doesn't come back with sun kissed shoulders like usual, her pretty blonde hair's hid beneath a knit hat, and she's holding onto the cross around her neck.

(The necklace kind of becomes some sort of anchor in her life. She doesn't really understand how that happens because she's never really been big on Jesus. Yeah, her mother took her to church some Sundays and she was president of the celibacy club but that resulted in distant thoughts of being anywhere else and a pregnancy. So she doesn't really know why it makes any situation better when she grabs a hold of the cross and flips it between her fingers.)

–;

One day, she just stops being so bitter about everything. Yeah, she can still see Puck pining over her just a little from the corner of her eye in glee, but Finn's come back around to not hating her and she thinks Berry's got something to do with it.

(She remembers when Rachel was nothing, and she was everything.)

But no, she won't be bitter about it anymore. Because she gets this feeling that says _you're forgiven, Quinn_ and she doesn't think she really deserves any of that noise from anyone. But if they see something in her, see she's not made of cold ice, then shouldn't she? Shouldn't she at least try to return the favor, smile at Rachel when she's been so nice to her for so long?

She thinks she should, so that's what she does. She smiles at her and she keeps her snide remarks silenced towards Santana and yeah, she's still quiet and reserved Quinn Fabray. But that's alright with the way she feels now.

'Cause Quinn feels okay these days.

–;

Quinn meets Sam and all she can see is his mouth. His big, trouty mouth that looks too innocent. She sees pinched-lemon blonde hair and his pretty eyes that aren't really any particular color, they're somewhere in between all of them. And when he talks to her he tells her all about Avatar with a cute grin and she tells him she had a baby last year, just _because._ He thinks that settles whatever score they were going for. She flips the cross back and forth around her neck and walks off smiling.

She won't thank Rachel and Finn for sticking them together, even if she is kind of thankful.

–;

Sam's sweet and when he leans into kiss her under the solar system hanging from the ceiling she tells him to tell her about Avatar again because she forgot. She doesn't tell him the smell of mint on his breath makes her lose hers and something inside her stomach flip from side to side. She's not that girl, never really has been the one with butterflies. _Not really. _Because with Finn she was head cheerleader and he was quarterback and with Puck she was the mom that gave up her baby and he was just the dad. So it's different with Sam, already. And she doesn't want to dive into whatever mess could come from it. She'll just take it slow, let these feelings build into something she can handle.

She just smiles when he starts telling her why he loves it so much; they're blue and they have their own language. She even laughs when he tells her she'd love the movie. Because, no, she wouldn't but it's sweet that he thought she would.

(She remembers sitting in her room, quietly humming the lyrics to Lucky and seeing his face when she closed her eyes.)

–;

Quinn finds herself smiling at Sam from across the room at the end of glee practice one day. (She thinks these feelings are seriously starting to creep up on her.) He smiles back at her and she can hear Santana say something about "let that trouty mouth near your jewels yet, Quinny?" but Quinn doesn't care, doesn't acknowledge the comment, because Sam throws his head back towards the door, so she grabs her bag and follows him out to the parking lot.

As they walk, his fingers brush against hers, and it's lame, but true and nice, when she feels tingles up her whole arm.

"When are you gonna let me take you to Breadsticks?" He asks when they get to her car.

She pushes herself against the car and her hand goes straight to her neck.

"S'pretty." His hand comes over hers as he holds the cross between his index finger and thumb. Suddenly he's a lot closer and she can feel his knees hit against her thigh, right above her knees. "You're pretty." He looks up from the necklace to her face. He looks at her soft lips, green, green eyes, her perfect nose. "Really pretty." He cups her cheek, rubs his thumb over the apple of it. She wonders if this works on every girl. "Does this work for you, Sam?" She can't help but lean into his touch, just a little. He gives her a confused look, skims his thumb over the corner of her mouth, "With the other girls?" And she kind of needs to hear an answer before she gives in and kisses him straight on the mouth. Because they haven't kissed before and yeah, she's wanted to but she just waits because she wants slowslowslow and she wants it with him.

So she needs to know if he wants just her right now. And she's a little worried that he'll yell about her even asking that or roll his eyes, withdraw his hand, and walk away 'cause she ruined a perfectly good moment with her jealousy. And that's not what this is and she hopes he doesn't think that. It's just her wanting something other than another stupid boy.

He smiles a little with somber eyes and presses his free hand to her hip. "What other girls? This has never worked before. Never used it before. What other girls, Quinn?" And she thinks he asks that twice for good measure; wants her to know that there's no one else. She's glad he didn't yell or leave. Really glad.

"Kiss me, Sam? Please, just...kiss me." She gets that maybe she sounds a little desperate but she thinks she's really more eager than anything, because he let out this breath when he finished talking and all she felt was mint in her nose and his hot breath against her cheeks.

Santana always told her she bet his kisses were super wet and his lips probably swallowed a girl's face once. But the only bad thing Quinn can say about the kiss is that it ended way before she wanted it to. Other than that, his lips were soft and mint engulfed her and he tasted like coffee mixed with just the right amount of innocence.

(She promises herself she will not ruin it. But she does anyway.)

–;

They were so good too – she and Sam. They used their Breadsticks coupons on their second date, Sam gave her a goodnight kiss at her front door. They held hands loosely in the halls at school because neither were too fond of everyone's nose in their business. She had dinner at his house, met his still-southern family, learned about his parent's policy of leaving the bedroom door open at all times (she still kissed him silly). She let him take her golfing on a hot Saturday, he let her drive the golf cart, he taught her how to swing the club and she admitted it was probably the sexiest thing she'd ever seen when he was so serious about her golfing stance (she remembers his hands low on her hips, telling her to move her hips with the swing.)

–;

They were good; good together, he was good to her, and she thinks she was good to him until he brought out the 'I love you' with a quick kiss to the lips. She's sure she should have guessed it would happen. She knew it probably would. (She figures this two days after she finds herself holding onto him for comfort more than the cross around her neck. And she thinks that's kinda wrong. But Sam's just always felt so good to her. So she expects the 'I love you'.)

But then she goes and somehow messes it up. (It's just, there's Finn without Rachel and Quinn remembering that he's what she had always wanted for forever and then she's kissing him and it's already too late when Sam creeps up in her mind. She's already done it; she's already thrown herself overboard.)

–;

She realizes every guy she's really been with, she's cheated on. (Then she realizes that that's only Finn and Sam because Puck never really counted in that whole equation.)

And she wonders if that makes her as terrible as she feels. ("_It does." _Sam tells her later when she confesses that she and Finn kissed. Him saying it hurts a lot worse than it was already making her feel.) They break up because Sam can't be with someone who could ever cheat on him. (She wants to yell "But you loved me, remember? _Sam!" _but he'd just keep walking.) And she can't be with someone as great as Sam. She doesn't really deserve to. Because turns out, she's the same old Quinn Fabray, breaking hearts and taking names.

–;

So she and Finn are together and in glee she hears Santana say how good Sam's 'guppy lips' taste and Quinn wants to vomit because they're not guppy, they're _trouty_ and _cute _and taste a lot like heaven.

She stays with Finn even though she doesn't really want to and she realizes that she's never really wanted to be with anyone but Sam. (Finn, round one, she cheated with Puck. Puck was just there after that. Finn, round two, she isn't feeling anything. Sam, though. He was the only one who would've stayed if she'd let him.)

Quinn wants Sam but he doesn't want her. She's never really had that before. But she can't really blame him though. (She holds the cross extra tight to her chest when she falls asleep thinking about him.)

–;

Quinn's life has always been too easy. She thinks she was destined for all these mistakes a long time ago, though.


End file.
